Baller And Squalor: TNF Edition

FINE! I take back what I said earlier this week. The Texans are NOT the worst team in the NFL. They’re only second or third worst. The Cincinnati Bengals are definitely the worst team in the league though. I know that for sure and nobody can convince me otherwise!

Anyway, on to Baller and Squalor for Week 2 of Thursday Night Football!


DeShaun Watson  

The first half for Watson wasn’t very pretty, but he balled out for a good portion of the second half. He settling in nicely, finding DeAndre Hopkins over and over again, extending plays behind that slightly improved (but still garbage) offensive line, and that 49 yard rushing TD embodied everything that makes Watson a special kind of QB.

There is hope at the quarterback position in Houston for the first time since that two year period when people thought Matt Schaub was a good NFL quarterback.

Happy Birthday you handsome son of a bitch. I hope you get all the Mia Khalifa sex your winning heart desires!

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Geno Atkins

The one shining gem right now on this atrocious Bengals team is Atkins. He looked like a monster in this game. At one point, I’m pretty sure everyone watching the game was positive Deshaun Watson was dead after Atkins murdered his face apart.

Not that it’s an impressive feat of strength to trick Chris Clark or throw Xavier “Worst Guard in the League” S’ua-Filo down to the ground like a used condom before taking Deshaun Watson to pound town, but his play was impressive none the less.


Andy Dalton & the Bengals Offense

I don’t know if it’s the offensive scheme in Cincinnati or if Dalton just isn’t the same Red Rocket we’ve all come to love, but it definitely looks like some of his ginger magic has left him. With the weapons the Bengals have on offense, you’d think they’d be able to at least score A touchdown.


One measly little touchdown. That’s it. It’s not like I’m not asking for them to go “Greatest Show on Turf” on us, but just put seven on the board for god’s sake.

Second Chances

Look… I don’t need people preaching to me about second chances. Joe “Woman Beater” Mixon is a piece of, pardon my french, human shit. He knocked a girl out cold, and didn’t show any remorse. I don’t care what happened before, all I know is that I saw him knock a girl out. That was a BITCH move. Does he deserve second chance? Yes, but a second chance to not be a shitty human being.

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A second chance to not do something like THAT ever again.

Second chances don’t mean we get to sweep everything under the rug, like they never happened, and continue our lives just as they were before. Second chances mean we take our lumps, become better people, and teach others the lessons we’ve learned. What lumps did Mixon take? Oh no, he sat out of some college games but still got drafted and is playing in the NFL with a chance to earn millions of dollars? I’m sure he learned his lesson guys. BULLSHIT.

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