I Can Have Fun, I Get Appetizers At Chili’s: A Confused Star Wars Fan Replies

Hey everyone, it’s Drew, the untimely writer here at The Total Bro.  Earlier today, my friend and compatriot, and I guess boss, Josh Beard wrote and published an article HERE.

Now, in the article he takes a fairly self effacing stance, as he describes himself as a hater fan. I would self describe as one too, and to provide clarity as to why, I quote my favorite comedian Dana Gould:

“I have two emotions, rage…and suppressed rage.”

The thing is boss, concerning this trailer, I’m not mad so much as confused and cautious…and maybe a little annoyed. Here we go!

Kid friendly?

In 1977, the first Star Wars movie was largely lifted by an audience that was verging on puberty.  Back when kids between the ages of 11 and 13 could be left alone, they flocked to cineplexes and arcades and….soda shops? All without adult supervision, and they swarmed to Star Wars (as was the original title, don’t try to fight me)

Boom, suck it. YouTube the original scroll too ya fake nerd

The point is Star Wars was great for capturing the imagination of those teens and preteens, after all Luke was a whiny teenager.

So cut to ’80 when The Empire Strikes Back is released. Those kids that were 11 or 13 or 15 when the original came out are now full fledged hormone driven teens. They’re 13 to 19.  They’re  in those years of their lives when they cannot only appreciate, but can also relate to the darker themes of the film.

But that’s not for the new series. The child demographic that the new films are trying to grab a hold of are those between the ages of 5 to 9. Those kids that are born to the new money of the Millennial generation. Those parents that want to get their children into the same Star Wars they loved or single parents just wanting to have their kids shut up for two hours so they can surreptitiously swipe through Tinder.

While I can appreciate the filmmakers wanting to push the second of the series into an Empire like tone, I’m just concerned if it would be too dark for those kids that were targeted on The Force Awakens to now step into a film two years later but they’re only at most 11 years old.  My oldest daughter, who is now eight, loved episode seven. I was ecstatic. I thought, ‘Well she must love Star Wars now!’ So I was super stoked to see Rogue One, and I thought ‘Hey we got a female protagonist, it’s Star Wars, she liked this other one, then this will be a sure fire hit with her!’

Now there’s no denying that Rogue One got a little dark. There was no denying that the themes of the film we’re pretty heady and mature for my kid who had seen The Force Awakens only one year prior.  She didn’t take to this one as she had taken to Awakens.  And I’m not sure what it was. I’m not sure if it was her seeing these characters that she wasn’t familiar with, or that there wasn’t enough Jedi magic and sword play going on.  I mostly figured that it just wasn’t fun for a girl her age.

I love you Donnie, but what the hell are you?

Warner Bros. has taken a huge lashing over the past 3 to 4 years with their turning their DC comics characters into what have been known to be dark films. They’re considered not to be palatable to young audiences. In Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, we saw an aged, washed up, grumpy and overly violent Bruce Wayne. This is what I saw of Luke Skywalker upon viewing this new trailer for The Last Jedi. I thought ‘Is this really Luke Skywalker, the new hope?’  He’s so busted and weird!

In Josh’s article, he makes reference to a conversation that he had with a friend of his. In that conversation it was asked “could you make a better Star Wars film?” Well the answer isn’t necessarily that I could make a better Star Wars film, it’s more of we have seen other people try to make a better Star Wars film and they’ve been fired.  In fact, of the three most recent Star Wars films that include The Last Jedi, Rogue One, Han Solo’s standalone film, hell even Star Wars episode nine (which has not even started production yet), there have been firings and massive reshoots only to the exclusion of Jedi.  Again, I personally don’t mind the dark tones. I’m going to see this movie and I’m probably really going to enjoy it, but I’m worried about alienating my daughter who has come to really love these characters.  

Fuck the new merchandising character-I mean, Porgs

Nothing here other than fuck those shark toothed Furbies!

Shouldn’t this be captioned with an unpopular opinion?

Stop making a totally different film in the trailers

Hands up if you’ve ever gone to a movie simply based on the strength of that trailer, only to find out that the way it was edited made for a completely different film than the film you went to see…

I get it, you make these trailers in such an interesting way in order to get excitement driven around the film. However, isn’t it slightly irresponsible to completely misrepresent the events and the plot of the film?  One of the biggest complaints that has been lodged on the Internet after the release of the new trailer on Monday night, was near the end, it was cut to look as if Rey were seeking the guidance and tutelage of Kylo Ren. Ren then was seen offering his hand. Now, they were not in the same shot together.  It was a line of dialogue with Rey then cut with a line of dialogue from Ren.  Internet sleuths, with seemingly way too much time on their hands, have come to do a comparison between the lighting of each other’s faces. I’m not shitting you, that happened literally hours after the trailer was released.  They came to the conclusion that these two were not occupying the same space and that this was simply a fancy editing trick. A seemingly great moment, whether you find it cool or whether you find it irritating, was all found out to be a lie. And this is a concern of mine. I don’t mind that there are questions regarding whether or not our protagonist is going to dabble on the Darkside, but to fabricate a scene that is not going to be in the movie seems like dirty pool.  And so much negativity that was generated in the trailer has led people to believe in an overall grimness of this new installment.  A belief held so strong that Mark Hamill took to Twitter to fan the flames of confusion:

Yeah sure, it’s a line from the trailer, but it also could be speaking about the trailer itself.

So there it is, bro. I’m only wound up about those things and to tell the truth I’m not really that wound up about it. Like I said, I’m going to go see this movie regardless.  However, if Luke doesn’t throw down for reals…I’m gonna be pissed.

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