A Man, A Switch, And A Newfound Love For Nintendo

Ahhh, Nostalgia. She is a powerful and fickle mistress is she not? There’s a lot of it going around, lately. Can’t walk into a god damn store without being bombarded with products that hearken back to an olden time of yore, when the world was filled with mystery, and you didn’t have to worry about things like herpes. For a long time, that’s why I stayed away from Nintendo games. I hadn’t played anything Nintendo since the Gamecube, and even then it was only in short bursts because my roommate had one. I had never played a Zelda game, and Mario was just something I knew from Super NES. So when the Switch came out and everyone wouldn’t shut up about Zelda and Mario, I naturally accused them of being whores for nostalgia memberberries, and I ignored them for the most part.


We’ve had every new iteration of Nintendo in my house, too. It was just for my kids. I never touched it until they got pissy they couldn’t beat a level then I would swoop in with my leet skills and save the day. My wife mentioned getting a Switch for them, and I said sure because we ALWAYS get them new Nintendo shit. She came home with a few games, and I immediately gravitated toward Zelda and Mario because my friends would not shut the hell up about them. I couldn’t wait to throw it in their faces how bad the games actually were, and how stupid they were for liking them. Then I got my hands on them……


It was Zelda that got first dibs, because my wife looked at me like I was a psycho for never having played a Zelda game (she has a good “dafuq?” face). I thought the cartoonish nature would turn me off, but it was actually kind of endearing. Going from games like Assassin’s Creed: Origins and Shadow of War on a big ass TV to Zelda on a handheld screen should be a little more jarring, right? But I sat there for at least a few hours wandering around Hyrule having no clue what I was doing. The wife sat and watched as I passed up objects I needed to pick up, and laughed as I kept breaking weapons against rocks and trees. She’s fucking cold. However, my natural gaming instincts just took a little while to adjust, and eventually I was headshotting bitches like I had never known anything else.

I wish people would have told me there were so many elements to this game before. I love crafting shit, cooking shit, using powers, killing things, finding things, and talking to creepy old men. There’s so much room for activities! Sure, I have no idea what Ganon is or why I need to help some princess bitch (save yourself, hoe, because equality), I still had a blast.


As if finding one new game to consume my time wasn’t enough, I then gave Mario a shot. I’ll leave out the moral and societal implications of a plumber possessing sentient beings with a god damn ghost hat, but who knew it’d be so much fun jumping around in a world created by hallucinogens? First off, kudos to incorporating old school Mario stuff in here. The level design of 2-d elements in a 3-d world is surprisingly well done.

The game is difficult enough to present a fun challenge to someone like me, but still fairly accessible to my tiny heathens. The joy con really comes to life with this game. Of course, they knew how to get me hooked with all the secrets and collectibles, and now I consider it my mission in life to find every power moon. If there is one thing that will keep me in a game, it’s hidden stuff.


However, now I have run into an all new dilemma: I want to take it away from my kids so I can play it myself. I mean, there’s EIGHT other gaming systems in this house they could be on but NNNOOOOOOOOOOO……..

Anyway, while I impatiently wait for them to do something else, I’ll issue an apology to all the people I gave shit to for liking Nintendo stuff. Yes, it’s a bit more kid oriented than my usual fare, but that doesn’t mean a grown ass man can’t have an enjoyable time. It does give a welcome reprieve from all the slaughtering I do in other games. You still kill just ALL the things, but at least here they turn into puffs of smoke instead piles of corpses.

Look at those dead eyes. Fucking MURDERER


Now we have something the whole family can enjoy, and I look forward to being a part of it.

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