Alright, football fans. Let’s have a chat. First off, I have to apologize to all of you. If you read Josh’s post on why Bama missing the College Football Playoff would be a mistake, I’m sorry you had to sit there and read that GOD AWFUL PILE OF SHIT. Here at The Total Bro, we strive to not be dumbasses, and in this instance, we failed.
However, I’m going to rectify that and make the sound and LOGICAL case of why Bama deserves to get bent in 4 easy steps:
1. They will not play in the SEC Championship
I mean, my argument is basically done right there, huh? You couldn’t even win your DIVISION, bitch. Have fun against the AAC champ in a bowl game. Are you seriously going to tell me that a team not even playing this week should be ranked above the ones that put forth the effort to get to their respective championships? HELL. NO. Remember that national championship between LSU and Alabama? Boring as hell, right? You want to go through that shit again?
2. Bama’s schedule should open up a bakery it’s so full of cupcakes
Here’s a list of the currently ranked teams Alabama has beaten: #17 LSU, #23 Mississippi State. What’s missing from that list? ANY TEAM in the top 15. They did happen to PLAY a team ranked higher than 15……and they LOST. Not only lost, looked horrible. Optics matter. And they looked like shit. They’re getting the benefit of being Bama right now, and they shouldn’t be. You see non-conference wins over Florida State (dumpster fire), Colorado State (7-5 in the Mountain West), Fresno State (slightly better at 9-3, STILL in the Mountain West), and Mercer (is that an English tea?). Josh also thinks that if Bama and Auburn played again, Bama would undoubtedly win. How wrong can one man be? Auburn has now beaten TWO #1 ranked teams. Auburn is getting better toward the end of the year, and Bama is getting worse. Is the playoff at the beginning or the end of the season? I can’t remember.
3. Their offense looked horrendous against Auburn
They didn’t look that great against Texas A&M, LSU, or Mississippi State, but at least they won those. The offense was so inept against Auburn that “Mr. Clutch” Jalen Hurts himself could only flail about on the ground for the ball during the final few plays. You just know Saban is making them drink toilet water right now for screwing up that badly in the biggest game of the season. Point is, it was go time for the Tide, and they did nothing but throw the car in reverse and run themselves over. That’s not indicative of a championship team. That’s indicative of a team that had their weaknesses exposed.
4. There are other teams more deserving
This is the one that’s not as easy to defend. You get into that strange realm of trying to hypothetically pit teams against each other. But this one could be REAL easy if Oklahoma, Auburn, Wisconsin, and Clemson all win their conference championships. If that happens, there’s no debate. There’s your four teams. Done. It gets weird if one or more end up falling short. If Miami beats Clemson, they’re in and I chalk up that loss to Pitt to some bad seafood. If by some fucking crazy miracle Georgia beats Auburn, they’re in for avenging their only loss. But if Ohio State and TCU win? I don’t know if they’re in, and Bama may be able to jump back in just because no one knows what the hell else to do. The Tide would be rewarded yet again for not needing to play in a conference championship. It would annoy basically every person on earth, but it’s not out of the realm of possibility.
Look, Josh made enough of an ass of himself that I shouldn’t need to take it further……..but I will: An Aggie fan making a case for Bama in the CFP? What in the holy shit is going on with this site? I promise, bros, to stand stalwart against his jackassery and demand he see a doctor about removing his head from his anus.